As you scroll through your news feed, everyone stating their 2019 achievements and how it has been ‘the best year yet’ you can’t help compare. Truth is, for most, it probably wasn’t the ‘best year‘. There may have been ‘best parts’ but in 365 days, the chances are, some wouldn’t have been ‘your best’. Some may have even been the worst and lots, probably mediocre at best. And this is coming from the eternal optimist. Because summarising over the year and fitting it into a good or bad category does nothing but justify it for the person posting. For whatever reason it is that we all post… to seek acceptance, confirmation or clarification or to brag to our following. Which, might I just add, there is nothing wrong with! That is, after all, what social media is for. I find it an odd concept because I have loved 2019, but I can’t actually remember if it was the best year? How are you even supposed to measure that? Is there a check list? A grading system? So yes, it was good, but in comparison to the other years? Not better i’d say just different. Different high points and different low points.
I think a bloody good ‘happy new year’ is in order. Despite it being the 2nd today, I feel like for most people, myself included, the 1st is a write off spent hidden under the covers waiting for the day to end, eating food that didn’t exactly fit into the guidelines of your new years resolutions. Then the 2nd comes around and reality hits us in the face, back to work for most people and the impending doom of ‘what am I going to do with the rest of my life’ sets upon the rest of us.
I am a practitioner of the wellbeing world. Meaning I tackle all things designed to make you feel well in yourself, your mind, body and soul. I teach Yoga and meditation, I am also a personal trainer and teach various fitness programs. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not a gym bunny, I am not a supporter of diet culture and thank God my life is far from boring. The biggest struggle I have found with the industry of wellness is that there is a common misconception that I must therefore also be vegan, t-total, and practice Yoga daily. Meditate for hours on end and never loose my temper even when my car breaks down on the M25 in rush hour. In reality, I love espresso martinis, I sometimes spend the whole day in bed and I am a roller coaster of emotions.
So to be quite honest, I didn’t fit ideally into the hippy dippy holistic yoga category, not really. I wasn’t a hard core fitness trainer who had a six pack and only ate chicken and broccoli, which I meal prepped religiously every sunday. I wasn’t able to go on more than one night out (not anymore) without then being quite happy to not drink again for quite some time, I didn’t belong there either. So part of me felt like I was a bit of a fraud. How could I preach and truly believe ‘love your body, treat it as your temple’ in my classes and at the same time be looking forward to a night out with my friends at the weekend? How could I enjoy an Indian takeaway and still want to balance my chakras before bed? How dare I?! How could I be so apart of and so passionate about healing my body and those of others and at the same time want to live life fully as a meer 25-year-old. Social pressures, especially in the media, made me feel like I didn’t fit into either box and I quite clearly don’t. I was envious of the virtuous people who could attend silent meditation retreats, when I know I am unable to shut up. I went through a long phase of watching peppy Vegan Bloggers on YouTube, amazed at how they seamingly ate raw 24/7 easy peasy and still seamed so damn happy. Part of me also lusted after the absolutely mental routine of those that went out most nights, living a socialite lifestyle on a cushdy wage. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy in either categories. Being one or the other didn’t actually fulfil me and I always felt like I was missing out on something when I tried.
After a sufficient amount of self discovery and pondering, I came to the realisation, a bit of a ‘eureka’ moment. I don’t actually need to fit into either of these categories at all. I am most fulfilled when I have the best of both. That is what suits me and my body, mind and yes, soul. Because, for me, to be full in my heart means I have to be happy. I enjoy mediating after I get ready to leave the house in the morning but I also enjoy dancing until the early hours. I don’t hate on my body daily despite not being a size 8 and my thighs not being as small as every other fitness Instagrammer. I love a glass of wine and sometimes a bottle, yes a whole bottle! Maybe, it’s an age thing, maybe as I get older I will happily swing into the sensible side more comfortably, although right now, I honestly hope not.
Right now I am happy. Happy trying to find a balance. And I hope, through my discoveries, I can help you find balance too…
**Just as a disclaimer, before I deeply offend anyone reading, I am dyslexic. Which was kindly confirmed as I typed in the very word ‘dyslexic’ wrong and spell check came to my rescue. Sometimes I spell words with so much imagination that even spell check cannot understand what I am trying to say. I know lots of people find incorrect spelling and grammar annoyingly frustrating and it gets their knickers in a real twist. Luckily for me I couldn’t find that annoying even if I wanted to. Ultimately, my passion for writing over rights the opinion of those that may find a comma in the wrong place to ruin their day. So if you can look past the fact that I am far from perfect in many ways, I have quite a lot i’d like to say then, until next week…
Love, light and all things laughter